Reflections on Romans

Last Monday night was share night at BSF with the completion of the study of Romans. (For those who have never done BSF - share night is the when we stay together as one large group rather than dividing into our small groups and you have the oppertunity to share what God has taught you through the study and your personal life together.) As a leader I have to share what I learned through the study at the leaders fellowship which was last Friday night. I spent the week leading up to to the fellowship and the week following it trying to pinpoint what God has taught me through the last 9 months while doing this study. I came up with an answer for Friday night but I didn't love my answer nor did I really feel that I loved the study of Romans.

So after two weeks of contemplating I think God was trying to squish me like a bug. Or said differently - teach me humility. Let's review the last 9 months:

• I tried to do a career change which failed.
• I lost my job which then forced me back to the career I was trying to leave (although I must admit that I enjoy the new engineering much more than I ever thought possible).
• While I enjoyed all the individual girls in my BSF group they were challenging group in that they were quiet and inconsistent.
• I had to put my dog to sleep.
• My bathroom flooded.
• All while studying Romans.

In considering the BSF studies that I have completed and loved I could see a consistent theme in what God was teaching me. All the way through Genesis no matter the scripture I walked away with the lesson to trust in God no matter how things look (not sure how well I applied that this year). The only lesson I walked away with consistently from Romans was that I suck as person and in my walk with Christ. Even when we got past the first several chapters of Romans and Paul was trying to be encouraging I didn't really feel encouraged. Not that I wasn't encouraged by Romans 8 but not in the same proportion that I was feeling squished.

The very last question of the year was "How will you give glory to God for all He has done in history and in your won personal life this year?" And to be honest that was a really hard question for me to answer because I didn't really feel praising God for this last year. I sat on that question for days and in the end I wrote down "I don't know - I have been feeling uninspired recently" and went into leaders meeting praying I wouldn't be asked to share on that one.

So now looking forward I hope this grows into realizing that despite that I suck He still loves me and I would learn to experience the freedom I have in that love. And also see and be able to praise Him for all amazing ways He has provided for me. Some of them being my friends and family, that I do love the new job, I am going to Europe for the first time next month, I have some new friendships that will continue to grow from my group of women, etc. I am not all the way there yet but I can feel it starting to grow.

"All of our praise rises to the One is strong enough to make
you strong, exactly as preached in Jesus Christ, precisely as revealed in the mystery kept secret for so long but now open book through the prophetic Scriptures... All our praise is focused through Jesus on
this comparably wise God! Yes!"

(Romans 16:25, 27, The Message)